First dates are always a delicate balancing act. On the one hand, you want to appear interested, engaging, and just flirtatious enough that she knows it's a date and not a one-way ticket to the “friend zone.” On the other, you don’t want to come on so strong that she thinks you’re only interested in getting her into the sack.
It's not always easy, of course—especially when nerves come into play and you two aspiring lovebirds struggle to find your conversational footing. But to help you say all of the right things that fall squarely in that sweet spot, we reached out to several top relationship and dating experts to gather all of the great one-liners you can have in your pocket to keep the conversation exactly where it should be: on the right track.
And, no matter what you say, here’s one word of advice before you begin: the longer you two talk, the better. A Stanford University study showed that the longer the conversation goes on a first date, the less important the superficial stuff like height and looks become to your potential partner. If you play your cards right—and you say the right things—you’re pretty much guaranteed to move on to date number two.
1. “THAT DRESS LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU.”
If you’re feeling the chemistry, it’s important to let your date know immediately that you’re attracted to her. “Not only do women want to feel sexually attracted to their date, but they also want to feel that their date is sexually attracted to them,” explains Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, Founder and Chief Relationship Advisor of the app RelationUp. “In fact, by feeling the latter, women are more likely to feel attracted in return. So compliment her."
But how? Well, this particular line is effective because it’s kind but not creepy, and the added phrase of “on you” makes it more specific than a generic line like “you’re so pretty,” says Milrad. Remember: generic compliments come off as insincere. And if you're trying to date a co-worker, you've got another set of rules to be aware of.
2. “DON’T WORRY. I’LL CALL THEM BACK LATER.”
Cell phone use is a major sticking point for many daters, according to Match.com’s annual Singles in America study. The researchers found that 75 percent of singles are put off if you answer your phone on a date. What’s more, 66 percent didn’t love being interrupted for their date to respond to a text, and 41 percent think just having your phone on the table face up is just plain rude.
It's a good idea to put your phone in your jacket and pretend it’s not there for the entire date—well, until you check your calendar to schedule your next one, that is. Oh, and by the way, it might be smart to upgrade your phone. The Match.com survey also found that women are 92 percent more likely to judge you negatively for having an outdated or older model cell phone.
3. “DID YOU HEAR WHAT SEAN SPICER SAID YESTERDAY?”
Research conducted by behavioral economist and Duke professor Dan Ariely showed that asking highly controversial questions such as, “How do you feel about abortion?” and “Have you ever broken someone’s heart?” actually ended up creating more meaningful, interesting, and attraction-producing conversations than the run-of-the-mill questions about hobbies, family, and work. Of course, those standard date topics are important—but asking a question that requires emotional consideration and openness about values establishes a level of trust that is necessary for a deeper level of attraction.
4. “I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I…”
The aforementioned Stanford study found that women especially felt a connection with men who interrupted them—but probably not in the way you’re imagining.
To be clear: cutting someone off to dominate the conversation isn’t attractive. But according to this research, successful dates included exchanges in which the man artfully interrupted the woman to say something that showed they had a shared experience.
For example, an ideal exchange would be if the woman said something like, “I saw Radiohead last summer and they were amazing,” and the man stops her to say: “I’m so jealous—Radiohead is one of my favorite bands, too,” before allowing her to continue. In other words, interruptions can be good thing, as long as they’re done to show that you’re paying attention.
5. “I DEFINITELY WANT KIDS.” OR “MARRIAGE IS IMPORTANT TO ME.”
Knowing what you want is definitely an attractive quality. So is being in touch with who you are and what you’re after. “Don’t hesitate to spell out what you’re up for,” advises Milrad.
If you’re looking for something casual, she might be into that. If you’re hoping to settle down, don't be afraid to let her know. No matter what your end-goal is, it’s worth sharing to forge a deeper connection and ensure that you're both on the same page. As Milrad points out, by being clear and straightforward at the beginning you’re saving time and energy in the long run.
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